Keeping it real: Newborn adventures and lessons from weeks two and three

Oh my, what a three weeks it has been! I saw four lactation consultants in the first two weeks. The weirdest interactions are now normal. Like being asked “Can I feel your breasts?” as the second thing someone says after meeting me. Usually I’d wait until the second date to entertain that kind of request but…desperate times. Breastfeeding is still no walk in the park for me…well, I guess unless you count Jurassic Park as a park…

Having a baby turns up the level of life on life so much. In general, there are principles in life that are true:

• There are ups and downs, good moments and bad moments, rewarding moments and moments of despair
• It’s all about perspective: two people can have different stories to tell and truly different experiences of the same reality. And you yourself can have a different perspective on the same reality based on how you are feeling
• People have different opinions on things, and there’s no evidence-based way to settle all these differences
• Things don’t always go to plan: life throws curveballs

All these truths get amplified even more when you have a baby. It’s like turning up the volume dial on everything life and turning up the frequency. If you sleep 2 hours one night, every little thing bugs you. If you get a lucky 5-6 hour stretch, everything is amazing again. Nothing has objectively changed about your surroundings or situation, but everything changes about your experience. And then there are situational changes that are curveballs when everything is going well: if PG&E shuts off the power for 10 hours over night and you deal with a blow-out with a camping headlamp, you will be destroyed for several hours.

That’s why “How are you doing?” has been the hardest question to answer these past two weeks – the answer has varied hour by hour. I’ve defaulted to the most encompassing truth: I’m doing well for someone with a newborn! I guess I must be as I’ve been blogging (also testament to how my partner and mother do so much heavy-lifting around the house and with our baby so that I can get some rest and me-time ❤).

Being the highly analytical person I am, I have been reflecting on what I have learned, some from doing things well and others from mistakes I made, so sharing the key ones for the benefit of y’all wannabe parents!

Learnings on preparing for a newborn physically

• Set up everything before baby arrives: I mean EVERYTHING. We had the bassinet, changing table, diaper bin and a few other things set up. But we hadn’t set up the breast pump, sanitized the bottles or read instructions on the wipe warmer. In part this was because I thought these were “accessory items” that I may or may not need. What I have learned is: When it comes to babies, it is best to be prepared for all eventualities starting from your delivery through to postpartum i.e. even if you PLAN on having a vaginal birth and breastfeeding and everything going smoothly, be prepared for all scenarios like a Caesarean (1 in 3 deliveries in the US), having to pump frequently, needing formula, needing the NICU, getting covid etc. (Just giving examples for a preparation curriculum, this didn’t all happen to us – thank God!). You may not have to use all this knowledge, but it’s like insurance to have it. Figuring stuff out AFTER your baby arrives is an added burden to the already strenuous task of keeping this tiny human alive.
• Be well-educated on newborn care before baby arrives: Do a breastfeeding class, read about hunger cues, read about what to watch out for, know how to take a baby’s temperature, take an infant CPR class etc. I recommend going on Tinyhood and going through most of the content there, and reading your hospital’s newborn care guide which they send you well before the birth of the baby.
• When shopping for baby stuff, there are so many options, one good rule of thumb is to look at the brands hospitals use: e.g. for Breast pump, Medela instead of Spectra. For sleep sacks, use the Halo sleepsack. For pacifiers, use Philips Avent. My logic here is that hospitals are using tried and tested stuff that is safe.
• Once you find a brand you like, keep it simple and stick to ordering multiples of the same stuff – also makes life easier for your baby to sleep in one type of sleep sack, and suck on one type of bottle nipple.
• There are many items that should be on your baby registry, that don’t “look” like baby stuff : get a mattress protector, bigger laundry hamper, mobile phone holder for your car so you drive safer, extension cords to plug in multiple devices where you’ll be spending time, and while you’re at it, get solar power for the laundry you’ll need to do every 3 days!

In short, the more work you do before the baby arrives, the easier you make your lives when they get here. If you can spend time with experienced parents and observe how they do things or offer to help out for a day or two, I imagine that would be even better. If you regularly help out with relatives and their kids, even better!

I can tell you it is really quite a shock to the system if you go from being in the Netflix generation – having a cushy life of no responsibilities and your understanding of children is based on Hollywood, Instagram and parenting books which are at the end of the day, still just theory – to suddenly being a parent to a newborn. This is the steep learning curve I’ve been on and boy, oh boy, have I had my hair blown on this rollercoaster and my ass handed to me by this cute little being who weighs less than 10 pounds but has an impressive and increasing decibel range.

Next post I’ll share my learnings on mental preparation. My T-rex (🧿) will be up any minute and I need to prep the buffaloes for their next encounter…🤞🏽